Skip to main content


The Christian Coward

There’s a new group in today’s forum. I will call him the Christian coward. The Christian coward often comes from lower to upper middle class, he’s often white, neo-reformed, and who is disillusioned with fundamentalism. Many of these folks have come from very conservative backgrounds but witnessed the salient racism and silent sins of his particular church. He may have vivid memories of some former pastor or elder telling him he’s sinning for reading a different bible than a KJV, that all alcohol is the work of the devil, and how right-wing politics are “God’s way bringing America to its knees.” He then goes to college and begins thinking for himself and eventually leaves these movements. He didn’t leave from winning an argument, telling his former leaders how their convictions were impractical or confronting them; no, he leaves subtly and in effect, immediately feels an intense freedom for his new life. He drinks alcohol. He swears from time to time to make himself relevant, relata…
Recent posts

Should you sleep with your kids? "Yeah, how can I say this gently...Hell no!"

When I first became a family therapist, I never thought I'd be writing on cosleeping with kids. Personally, I didn't really care nor did I think that it was a big deal. Afterall, if a parent was loving, kind, involved in their kid's education and emotional lives, What do I care? It was certainly much better than parents who were always on their phones and who'd then yell at their kids when the child needed emotional attachment. I refused as a therapist to get into minor battles and tried to focus on the "big things" in the case. 
I've changed. As Donald Trump would say, bigly.
What happened?
Well, the first thing is that I started talking to these kids. Many of the kids I spoke to really didn't want to spend the night in their parent's room. I'd hear time after time of kids during a typical UNO game how they wish they didn't "Have to sleep in momma's room." I was curious and started asking questions. Usually, the conversatio…

Locus of Control: Is it helpful to blame the system?

Locus of control is an individual's belief system regarding the causes of his or her experiences and the factors to which that person attributes success or failure.
~Richard B. Joelson
Locus of Control
I've been fascinated recently by a concept that's often neglected in our political discussions. The concept is called, "Locus of Control" or LOC from now on. LOC in personality psychology refers to the extent of control that a person feels they have in their lives. There are two categories of LOC: internal and external. If you believe that you have control over the things around you such as your salary, decisions, and relationships then you have a high internal LOC. If you believe that external variables are to blame for these decisions: "I can't move forward because of _____," or "He made me do it" then your external LOC is high. To illustrate please see below:

Internal LOC
"Carpe Diem" or "Seize the Day" is the slogan und…